Month: April 2013

Google Me Bitch

Last week, I traveled to Phoenix with my EO forum to attend the Bondurant school of high performance driving.  It was an incredible experience, and I highly recommend the school to anyone interested in improving their driving skills.  We also got a chance to meet the founder, and former Gran Prix driver, Bob Bondurant, which was a huge bonus.

Although the driving school was most likely a once in a lifetime experience for me personally, it wasn’t what I’ll remember most about the trip.  I left Phoenix with a much more valuable nugget.  I learned that my personality, coupled with my insecurities and past experiences can make for a frustrating experience for strangers and friends alike.  This “quality” is a defense mechanism that I’ll explain later, and is one I share with the late Marylin Monroe.

If you Google Dan Henderson, you’ll most likely discover the UFC champion Dan Henderson, or Hendo.  However, if you Google Daniel Henderson, you might find me; a self-proclaimed blogger, entrepreneur, and truth seeker.  No, I don’t have my own Wikipedia page, but I have staked claim to my own little spot in cyberspace, where I can make up ridiculous tag lines, challenge people to think, and share my most recent experiences and discoveries.

Contrary to what some might say and/or believe about me, and like Marilyn Monroe, I’m an introvert.  I enjoy close friendships, recharge with time alone, and fittingly use sharp, self-deprecating humor as my primary defense mechanism.  It’s often raw and disruptive, and secretly in an attempt to cause a person to judge, and when they do, I’ve got them.  It’s gross when you think about it in that context, so I prefer to think about it as a way to guard my heart, however, thanks to a few friends, I’m now exposing it for what it is in an attempt to grow.

So to those that don’t know me and would like to, think you know me but don’t, or coudn’t care less to know me, but somehow stumbled upon this blog post because you’re a Marilyn Monroe fan, don’t bother Google with the query. There is little you will find, save this blog, that allows for a look inside my soul where hurt and hope share a room, and truth remains the hidden treasure.

accept you.

Fathers Raising Fathers

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This past weekend, I spanked my son, which is one of only a few times over the course of his young life.  It broke his heart, and mine even more.  I lost sleep over it that night, woke up with it on my mind, and have thought about it many times since.  I desperately wish I could have taken it back.  He was over it a few minutes later, which adds to the many lessons I have learned being my son’s first time father.  He didn’t hold a grudge, and later that night told me how much he loved me.  He still smiles when I tell him he’s my hero; he is.

Like so many Dads, I only see my kids every other weekend, alternating holidays, and during the summer.  I’m very sensitive to the time we have together being quality time, free of distractions, or worse, constant entertainment.  We play outside, ride our bikes, go to the park, watch movies at home, and whatever else that allows us to engage as a family.  However, I’m likely more lenient than I would be if the kids lived with us full time.  I know how important discipline is, but don’t want our entire weekend to be full of timeouts, which wouldn’t be hard.  We try to be as consistent as possible, but avoid spankings nearly altogether.  I never want my children to be afraid of me.  I was on the receiving end of a few spankings growing up, one of which still haunts me.  I don’t harbor resentment, but wish I could have been there as an adult to protect the younger version of me.  When I have spanked either of my kids, I’m reminded of how I felt at five years old.

Parenting is the most difficult responsibility I have experienced thus far, and the most rewarding. As my journey continues, I am hopeful that I become the man my son wants to be.  Strong, meak, humble, loving, generous, and kind.  I often feel as if none of those words describe me, but I’m thankful for a child’s grace.

I’m thankful to be part of a generation of fathers who desire to be more than bread winners, but instead, available, interested, engaged, and who most of all put family first.  We are raising more than men; we are raising fathers.