The Kids are Alright

Two and a half years ago, my divorce was final.  After more than 12 hours of mediation, we had a settlement.  Very simply, she got everything we had that wasn’t levered, the kids, and I got all the debt, and a 2 hour drive one way anytime I wanted to see my kids.  At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing, by buying her a house, not insisting on her and the kids coming back to Houston, etc.  I was the one who had been unfaithful, so I “deserved” to be left with nothing but debt, and limited access to my kids, right?  Since my divorce, I avoided bankruptcy, met an incredible woman, remarried, found peace, and in the process, discovered that I’m an incredible man, father, and friend.  Most recently though, I decided to start fighting for my children.


Today, we are in court again.  This makes the second time since we were divorced, and of course, over money and kids.  It’s sad that two parents can’t compromise in order to avoid court intervention, but when two people truly believe that they are acting in the best interest of the child, it makes things quite difficult.  I keep telling myself that to make it easier to process.  It sucks.

Often, I want to sit down at my computer and write a blog that makes me look like a hero and my ex the villian, but honestly it would be a lie.  I hurt her, she hurt me, we couldn’t reconcile, we got divorced, and now we have two incredible kids in the middle of what has always been a challenged relationship.  Both of us are trying like hell to bring up our kids in a way that mitigates the deficiencies of our past and previous experiences.  I constantly remind myself that the kids are alright.

So many times, children are the only victims of divorce, and with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I say to you, all who will listen, my kids will not become victims.  We will surround them with lots of love, respect, and SHOW them how to forgive, demonstrate grace, even when it is not reciprocated.  Yes, I get angry, and frustrated, but when I see their sweet faces, full of innocence and curiousity, I want to be the man they need me to be.

For those of you from broken homes, I want to challenge you with a thought.  The only difference between broken homes and blended homes is love, and remember, the kids are alright.

One thought on “The Kids are Alright

  1. Dan: I have much to say to you; however, I’ll be brief. I went through 20 years of great difficulty with my first wife, and finally made a pact with God to stay with here until the children finished high school. My daughter was in her first semester in college and my son had one semester to go, and I experienced the final inconsideration and insult from my wife, and I left that day. Of course, she wanted everything, and I agreed to almost everything in order to avoid outward acrimony. One demand, that she contribute nothing to the children’s college education. I have experienced severe arthritic attacks in recent months, and especially in the last month, and am very uncomfortable with everything except for sitting in the easy chair. Several appointments with doctors and several more to go this coming week. And let’s hope there will be considerable improvement. I never thought things could be this way, but predicting old age ailments with certainty is virtually impossible. Therefore, I will decline the invitation to Kyson’s birthday bash, and I am very disappointed not to have the associated enjoyment. I didn’t see Sariah at your crayfish bash, and I missed a real heartthrob. The photo of her and Kyson at the pool makes my heart go pity-pat. I hope to see the children later this summer. Please give my best regards to Ashley. Oh, and I sill have part of her birthday gift here! Most cordially. Doug


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